I’ve recently had the chance to use a collaboration skill that I treasure: one that I learned when I worked at Interaction Associates. It’s very simple, though not necessarily easy, especially for a conflict-avoidant person like me. The skill is to Ask or Say What’s Going On.
Sometimes there’s a tension or feeling of discord in a one-to-one or group interaction. You just get the feeling there’s something going on under the surface. “Fred is angry,” for example. Or “Kate has gone silent, has withdrawn.” These observations can be brought up, without judgement, and aired. This will enable more open communication.
Examples of ways to Ask or Say What’s Going On follow:
I notice you haven’t expressed an opinion. I’d like to hear what you’re thinking.
This issue seems highly charged for you. I’d like to understand your feelings about it.
The group has stopped moving forward in discussing the agenda. Can anyone say why?
It’s probably not a good idea to try to read minds. The idea is to observe, then articulate what you’ve noticed.